My 5 Guys & Me: Jar of Hearts

Funny Favorites

1-14-14

Says Bear to us the other day, "Can I wear underwear to bed?"

Dad: "I don't know. We'll think about it."

Bear (with a big grin on his face): "Don't think about it. Just say yes!!"

10/31/12
Says Connor today as he's looking for his Halloween bucket, "Where's my butt? Mom, where's my butt??"

7/21/12
One of C's favorite things to do, lately, is walk around singing, "Happy Daaaaaaay!" "Happy Daaaaaaay!"

1-20-12
Tonight at dinner, I told Scottie that I needed to have the blue storage tub that he'd been using for his toys. He got this shocked look on his face and then said, "But, where am I gonna keep my yarn? And how am I gonna be able to crochet!"

9-28-11
Today, I was in the bathroom doing my hair while Toady used the toilet. My hair was piled up on top of my head in sections while I curled it. Gavin looked at me and told me that I should wear my hair like that on Sunday because I was so beautiful. "In fact, I don't know anybody that's more beautiful than you. Or nicer. Except Jesus."

9/11/11
Connor found a dead (but unbloodied) mouse on our porch, courtesy of Sly I'm sure, and was SOOO proud to bring it in and present it to the family. It startled me to see my baby holding a big, fat mouse in his hand, so I screamed, which set off Scott, which set off Braden, all of which terrified poor, unsuspecting Connor. After it was all over, Brandon & I got a really good laugh out of it!

8-22-11
After roasting hot dogs up in the canyon tonight, we came home to roast marshmallows over the candle. Brandon turned off the lights so the kids could more fully appreciate the light given off by the candle. He expected oohs and ahhs of appreciation, but instead, Scott, in his cute little way, said, "Oh, that is just a wonderful sight!"

7-1-11
While up on the rooftop watching the fireworks tonight, Gavin says, "Mom, if that was me exploding, that would probably just hurt."

6-20-11
This morning, Gavin said to me and Brandon, "Dad, you know when you and Mom and Scott and everybody was sleeping? There was some bad guys here . . . I took them out."
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B has had a hard time during one of the kids ball games throwing the ball soft enough. He throws pretty hard and ends up hurting people. So, this morning, when they asked if they could play the ball game, I reminded him to throw the ball soft.

His response? "Mom, there's a logical explanation for why I throw hard. I'm tougher than the rest of them."

5-29-11
Today we were visiting a cemetery when we saw a headstone with the name Bladen on it. Says Braden, "Hey! That must be my great-grandfather . . . in . . . law. See? Braden . . . Bladen. We're only one letter different!"

5-26-11
Says Scottie to me today, "Mom, I need new shoes. My laces are in love with coming untied."

4-23-11
Today while we were at Brandon's parents house, we excused the boys to the park that's just down the street. A little while later, Gavin comes running in saying that Braden was stuck on top of the monkey bars.

As Brandon & Gavin are walking out the door to "save" Braden, I hear Gavin say, "Hurry, Dad! I don't want my best buddy to die."

4-14-11
This morning, each of the boys wanted to cuddle with me on the couch before school. B got ready really quickly and came and cuddled with me.

Scott, who was anxious to be on time for school because of a class party they're working towards, came up to tell us it was time to go. I told him to comb his hair and grab his backpack and then we'd go.

B then commented to me, "I'm all ready."

I responded, "No you're not."

B: "Huh? Yes I am. How am I not ready?"

Me: "You don't have your backpack on."

B, sighing: "Mom, do you really think I'm going to wear my backpack when I'm in the middle of a cuddle session?"

4-10-11
This is not funny, really, but I wanted to post it anyway. Today, Brandon & I both had to be at the church for a couple of hours - me for choir practice, and Brandon for Bishop's appointments. We left Scott & B at home since the church is back behind our house.

When I got home, I walked into the living room to find balloons all over and notes from the two boys saying that they love us. They had set up chairs in the living room for each of us, had placed napkins out and got the cookies out for us to have a picnic. It was super cute!

3/27/11
Brandon walked out of the kitchen this morning after getting the boys breakfast. Toad follows him out, stomps into Connor's room and says, in an upset, whiny voice, "Dad, are you getting ready to not get me any milk?"
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This afternoon at lunch:

Scott, "Mom, Gavin keeps calling me Barbie."

Gavin, "Well, it's just 'cause I want a sister."

3/22/11
Today before school, it was Scott's turn to say family prayer. It's also the science fair at school today. So, he prayed, in part, "Please bless me on my science project, and that I don't have a nervous breakdown."

3/14/11
When I take Gavin to school in the afternoons, he'll get out of the car and call to me, "I love you a million gallons, Mom!"

Today, he got out of the car and said, "I love you a million gallons, Mom. Plus 100,000 gallons!"
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Says Gavin, "I need my old coat. And, my old coat kiiiinda fits, but that's okay, 'cause I'm not gonna grow outside. 'Cause it's cold. And kinda dark."

Me, "So, when it's cold and dark outside, you don't grow?"

G, "Yeah, 'cause my body isn't waked up." *pause* "But, my face is waked up!"

3/6/11
Today in Primary, the kids were asked, "How do you be nice?" Gavin raised his hand and when called on, he responded, "By not walking around everybody and tell them that you're the best."

2/19/11
Says Toady, when he saw the bowl of grated cheese, "I'm gonna dump some cheese down my throat!"

2/4/11
So, Toady says to me tonight, "Mom, did you know about my girlfriend?"

Me: "No."

T: "Yeah. I've got a girlfriend."

Me: "Who is it?"

T: "Lisa." (our neighbor)

Me: "So, why is Lisa your girlfriend?" (Wondering what he's heard that has made him get a girlfriend.)

T: "Well, I was gonna choose Sarah, but somestimes she's mean to me, so I choosed Lisa instead."

2/1/11
We've been working with my 2 year old nephew to talk a little better and more clear. So, I was changing his diaper today and said, "Dallin, say, 'Love you.'"

In the clearest little voice, he says, "Love Me!"

1/28/11
From my 6 year old nephew:

"Renee, does Connor still eat milk from, like, those things in your tummy?"

"Yep, he does."

"Well, I think he wants some right now."

"Well, he doesn't get any right now. I only feed him that way morning and night."

"It's morning!"

"No, like as soon as he wakes up in the morning and right before bedtime."

"Oh. Well, how does it work?"

"Well, when mommies have babies, their bodies are made to make milk that their babies can drink."

"Cool! I wanna see it in action!"

1/27/11
Tonight we were eating dinner (chicken stew) and Brandon remarked that it was good. Says Gavin, "I don't think it's good. It tastes like a bee in the middle of a hair piece."

12/31/10
We told Gavin to go get dressed to go to Grandma's house for our New Year's Eve party. He came back a few minutes later dressed in plaid shorts, a red t-shirt, and his (moon) snow boots.

All I could do was sit there with laugh.

Says G, "Well, isn't it awesome?"

11/25/10
Yesterday, after Thanksgiving dinner, the family was playing basketball in the church gym. My niece, Rachel, came up to Gavin and said, "Gavin you rock at basketball!"

Says G, "I know. I'm a master!"
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A little while later, Rachel asked Gavin, "Are you a master at basketball?"

Says, G, "Yeah. But you guys are superstars!"

10/24/10
This morning when I got in the van to go to church, Gavin remarked, "It smells bea-u-tiful in here. And it's called Mom."

B came back with, "Gavin, it's called perfume. He-lllloo."

10/11/10
Part of Gavin's prayer at dinner time tonight:

"Please bless that Connor can learn to say good words (pause) like (pause) yah, and um, giddy-up."
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Today at Gavin's SEP with his Kindergarten teacher, his teacher told us a Gavin funny.

Says G, "Um, Mrs. ___________, I've sorted these attributes by color and size. Is that okay?"

10/3/10
Part of Gavin's prayer at bedtime after General Conference the other night:

G: Thank you that we could listen to Pres. Obama and his helpers today . . .

Dad: Gavin, it's Pres. Monson.

G: Oh, I mean, Pres. . . .

D: Monson . . .

G: Pres. O'Monson and his helpers . . .

9/18/10
So, the other day, my sisters kids were talking about their names and how they all have some sort of religious reference. Rachel from the Bible, Jared from the Book of Mormon, Spencer after our prophet Spencer W. Kimball, Dallin after Elder Oaks, and also his grandpa Jay.

Well, Tanner was feeling a little left out. "Tanner's not in the scriptures anywhere," he said.

Piped up his older brother, "Yes you are Tanner."

"No sir. My name is not in the scriptures anywhere," says T.

"Uh-huh," says Jared. "You are in the scriptures. You know? The brother of Jared?"

8/7/10
Tonight, we were coming home from Whiterocks Canyon where we had a dinner with the family when Gavin asked how fast we were going. Brandon responded that we were going about 35 mph.

Then says G - "If you go 35 miles uh hour, your seat feels like fur. You know, like if you sit on something furry? And, you should never tackle a bulldog."

8/4/10
Today, Brandon & I were outside hanging clothes on the clothesline when we heard Gavin call out, "Guys, there's a dandy legs over here. And it's gonna bite me and eat me up for dinner."

When we asked him again what kind of spider it was, he said, "A long dandy legs!"

7/6/10
Yesterday, Scott wanted to learn how to sew on a button, so I taught him how. Since then, he has sewn a total of eight buttons onto a scrap piece of fabric.

Today, after seeing Scott sewing on buttons, B wanted to learn how. So, I'm teaching him, too. I helped him with the first button, and then he started jumping around saying, "I did it. I did it!"

6/28/10
We brought my nephew, Spencer, home with us to stay for a week. Last night, after our Sunday family movie night, we sat down to read the scriptures before bed. I was sitting fairly close to the arm of the couch, and Spencer wormed his way in next to me and said, "I don't care if I'm squished, 'cause I want to sit by you and Connor."
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This morning, he was eating his breakfast while I was checking my email and he came in and said, "Nee, can you save the rest of the Raisin Bran for when the rest of my family comes up next week? 'Cause it says it has fiber in it, and my brother needs fiber, so that would be a good cereal for him."

6/19/10
We went swimming at the hotel pool while we were in Salt Lake, and Braden kept doing belly-flops. So, Gavin came over to me (where I was soaking in the hot tub), and said, "Mom, wanna see me do a folly-flop?"

5/17/10
I heard a joke this morning that kids just love:

"Dr., my bum is broken."

"What? Your bum is broken?"

"Yeah, my bum is broken. It has a crack in it!"

5/9/10
Last night, Brandon was playing Monkey in the Middle with the boys. He threw the ball to Gavin so that he could play too. Scott stood there for a moment, and then said to Brandon, in a very matter-of-fact voice, "Dad, do you know what you just did? You dis-involved me."

5/4/10
Tonight, the boys were jumping on the trampoline when I heard Gavin start to cry. He came in and when I asked him what was wrong, he responded (all while hysterically crying), "Braden's murdering me!"

So, I asked him what he meant, and he said, "You know. Like fighting."
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Last night at about 3:00 am, Gavin came into our room to sleep because he was scared. Well, tonight, he was explaining that he was scared of dragonflies and spiders. (Me too, Toady.)

So, we talked a bit about dragonflies, and then he said (as he holds up his finger and thumb in a tiny circle), "And, you know Mom, that baby dragonflies are like this puny. Isn't that really puny-ish?"

4/27/10
The power went out tonight for a few seconds, and the first thing Scott said when he ran out of his room was, "Dad, did you pay the electricity bill?"

4/2/10
Scott opened up a b-day present that my parents sent up - a model of a Blackbird airplane. As he tore the last bit of paper off, his mouth dropped open, then he cried out, "I'm so gonna enjoy this, prob'ly."

4/2/10
Gavin always confuses the word "pour" with "spill." For example: "Will you spill me some milk please?"

3/29/10
I noticed the other day that Scott doesn't say "I have" during conversations. Instead, it's always, "I've." Ex: "I've a new classmate" or "I've a new game that I made up." It's pretty cute!

3/16/10
I called to Gavin today and said, "Toady, I'm gonna beat you up."

He replied, "Yay! Beating me up is fun!"

**Please note, this "beating up" is really just wrestling and is all fun. No little people are hurt during this activity.**

2/22/10
Tonight during FHE, we were telling each other what we appreciated about each person. When Scott got to what he appreciated about B he said, "I appreciate Braden because he has a great knowledge of weirdness!

2/17/10
Last night, my sister called me with a funny story. Her daughter, 12 years old, came up to her and asked her if she knew who Davy Crockett was. "Yes" was the answer. Then she asked, "Mom, was Davy Crockett really popular when you were younger?"

Come to find out, my niece had Davy Crockett mixed up with someone else - she thought he was a singer that was popular when my sister was young!
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The other day, Gavin was helping me bathe Connor when he said, "Mom, I know what Connor is thinking."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked. "What's he thinking."

G says, "He's looking up at you and thinking, 'Boy, she's pretty special.'"

1/26/10
Scott & I were mourning the death of Champ, my brother's dog (aka the family dog), and I was remarking that Champ was always so calm and dependable. Scott replied, "Yeah, he was like me. I'm not a normal boy. I'm calm."

1/14/10
My kids got Charades Jr. from their cousins for Christmas, and it's become one of their favorite games. They were playing the other day with Brandon, and it was B's turn to act. He laid down on the couch, looking at the ceiling, with his mouth wide open.

Gavin's guess: "Um, drinking from the ceiling??" (The action was "going to the dentist.")

And, then my favorite. B's turn to act again. He sits down on the floor, and gets a big grin on his face.

Gavin's guess? "Um, are you cheesing?" DING, DING, DING!!! (The action was "getting your picture taken.") Too cute!

1/4/10
Yesterday, as my sister and her family were getting ready to leave, my nephews asked Brandon if he could slam dunk a basketball. We had the standard lowered so the boys can make baskets, so Brandon responded that when it was low like that he could dunk it. So, they asked him to dunk it, and when he did, they cheered.

His response? "Oh yeah! I'm a manly man!"

12/27/09
Tonight, Brandon asked Gavin several times not to touch Braden's helicopter that he got for Christmas. When he wouldn't listen and Brandon go after him, Gavin replied, "But, Dad, I can't. My obedience ran away!"

12/1/09
A day after we brought Connor home from the hospital, Gavin was giving him kisses, then looked up at me and asked, "Mom, now that the baby is borned, can Santa come?"
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We were driving home from my in-laws after Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday and Gavin was just talking away. We were laughing at something he said, and Brandon told him, "Gavin, you're a character."

Gavin replied, "A character's like carrots, and I'm not a carrot."

11/12/09
Gavin asked me this morning when we were coming home from the hospital with Connor. When I responded that it wouldn't be until probably tomorrow, he said, "Oh, so I guess I'll have to live here without a mom."

11/10/09
On Saturay, I invited my mother-in-law, and two sisters-in-law to a local craft holiday show. B asked me when Grandma was going to come pick us up, and I told him in about 15 minutes. Then, he asked where we were going. When I told him, this was his response: "So, you're going out to be girls again??"
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B is really big into sports lately - but mostly football. He had come home from "football practice" (some of the neighbor kids getting together to play) and was so excited to tell his dad about some of the plays during the game.

Then, he said, "Dad, you really gotta' get me hooked up with some sports! Really!"

10/28/09
Gavin was talking on the phone with his dad this morning and Brandon asked him, "So, Gavin, how's your life?" (See the Funny Favorite on 10/12/09 for why he asked that.)

Gavin replied, "Well, it's kind of huwt."

10/23/09
Gavin's supposed to eating his dinner, but he's in singing right now. "I wish that I could fly! I wish that I could fly! I wish that I could fly, fly, fly! I'd go up high in the sky, and then I could blow my whistle - ph, ph, ph . . . " (Imagine blowing on a whistle where the ball doesn't move.)

10/20/09
Says G: Mom, you know what? I got too much endergy. Do you know why? 'Cause I got too much food in my belly and down to my toes, and I got too much endergy.
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Gavin was in the tub this afternoon playing with two boats - a red one and a blue one. All of a sudden, he says, "Mom, I wish my legs were blue, and my head and arms and stuff was red."

10/12/09
Brandon called me this morning from school and after we had finished talking, Gavin wanted to talk to Daddy. So, he gets on the phone and says, "Hi, Daddy. So, how's your life?"
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Gavin wanted to take a picture of me with my tongue out this morning. When I stuck my tongue out at him, he put the camera up to his face, then said, "Wow! You're doing good!"

10/6/09
This morning on the way to school, the boys were noticing the frost on the rooftops and the grass. Gavin knew what he was talking about, but didn't know what the frost was called, so he called it "frice."
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A few days ago, we went to the tennis courts to watch Brandon & his brother play a match. Gavin and I were playing around, poking and tickling each other. I looked at him and said, "Gavin, I'm gonna beat you up!"

His reply?? "Oh yeah, Mom. Bring it on!!"
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We went down to Salt Lake the other day to do some last minute baby shopping. We couldn't find sitters for all of the boys, so we took them with us. We were explaining something to them, when Gavin said, "I know. You don't have to tell me. I know everything."

Who says that teenagers know everything? Apparantely, so do 4 year olds!

9/16/09
G: Mom, am I still four?

Mom: Yes.

G: Well, I have a lot of food in my tummy, so I think I'm seven.
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Says Gavin, "Mom, when the baby gets borned, like all the way borned, and Santa comes, I hope he brings me a tuba, and a walk-a-le-le (ukelele) for Braden!

8/23/09
Brandon opened up a can of Spaghetti-O's tonight for the boys to try for dinner. Gavin kept asking what it smelled like and Brandon replied that it smelled like spaghetti. Gavin said that he wanted to smell it, so he leaned down and sniffed.

Then, he sat back, wrinkled up his nose and said, "Ew. That smells like dog food!"

Says Brandon, "You don't even know what dog food smells like," Gavin changed his statement to, "Oh, yeah, actuully, it smells like cat food!"

8/10/09
One of the boys favorite snacks is cinnamon toast. Gavin isn't sure what to call my cinnamon/sugar mix, so when he wanted a cinnamon toast the other day, he asked me if I could put sparkles on his toast!

3/24/09
Tonight, Gavin was bouncing around instead of sitting still at the table and eating his dinner. I got fed up with it, so finally said, "Gavin, sit still or I'm going to tie you to the chair with a rope."

His response????"Okay, Mom!!! Tie me to the chair!"

Then, when I didn't/wouldn't tie him to the chair, he got MAD at me! "Mom, I said tie me to the chair! NOW!"

Cute little stinker.

3/16/09
Today, Gavin was sitting on my lap giving me kisses. Then, he got a mischievous look in his eyes . . . and LICKED me!! Yuck! So, I got him off my lap and told him I was done playing, and that we don't lick people.He sat there for a minute looking at me, and then said, "Well, Mom, will you lick me?"
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Gavin asked to feel my forehead today, so I let him and asked if I was sick. He replied, "Yep, you have a feber, and you go like this - *cough, cough*"Brandon was sitting at the computer, so I told Gavin to tell Dad what was wrong with me, so he said, "Dad, Mom has a feber and she goes *cough, cough* like that. But she won't die!"

2/24/09
Last night, I bought Gavin some workbooks to help him learn his letter, number, shapes . . . The older boys saw them this morning, and went and dug out their workbooks. They said that they were doing research.

So, as I was taking the boys to school this morning, Gavin was looking at his book and said, "'Ccording to my research . . . mumble, mumble, mumble . . ."

Then Braden said, "That's makes sense, Gavin, 'cause according to my research, pizza, popcorn, and peas are good for you. But, not pie - no way!! Pie's not good for you. And cookies - not so much."

2/23/09
Gavin's new favorite sayings are, "If you say so" and "Would ya look at that?"

2/22/09
Last night, Brandon & I went in to check on the kids before we went to bed. As we were laying an extra blanket on Gavin, he woke up, looked around, and then said, very sleepily, "Dad, don't be right there!"

2/20/09
This morning, I showed Gavin that he can hang his coat up in the "new" coat closet, and his response was, "Okay! I can hang my coat up. This is gonna be amazing!"

2/19/09
Gavin was helping Brandon fix the closet in the hallway today, and they were talking about how nice it was to have a helper and what a good helper Gavin is.

Gavin then said, "Yeah, I'm you'w helpe! And, we're emenies, huh, Dad?"

Brandon says, "What? We're enemies?"

G says, "Yeah. We're emenies. You know, that shoots the bad guys?"
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A few minutes after the "emenies" statement, Brandon was drilling some boards into the wall to make a coat hanger for the boys. The drill slipped (or something) and Brandon said, "Oh, geez."

"Yeah, oh geez," says Gavin! "I wish I didn't dood that."

2/9/09
At school, the boys are learning some dances in their PE class - Scott a cha-cha (sort of), and B a waltz. I asked them if they wanted to go to their Dance Night, and they both said, "NO!" B then went on to say, "I hate dancing. It's like getting married."
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A few minutes after B's declaration of hating dancing, I kissed Brandon. The boys covered their eyes saying, "Ew!" So, I said something along the lines of, "What? It's just a kiss." Brandon went on with other terms to describe kissing - smooching, macking, making out, lip smacking . . .

Poor Scottie was apparantely just absolutely grossed out, and yelled, "Would you stop saying those things?"

1/16/09
Tonight, Brandon & I were talking about the Jordin Sparks song called "God Loves Ugly." The boys overheard us, and said, "God Loves Ugly????"

So, I was explaining that the song means that no matter what you look like - tall or short, really, really pretty, or not so pretty, thin or big - God loves everybody.

Braden heard the "thin or big" part and said, "Oh, you mean big, like a when blowfish puffs up??? That kind of big?"

1/13/09
When Gavin needs help wiping his bottom, he'll call us - "Mom, I'm done." Or, "Dad, I'm done."

So, today, he called me, "Mom, I'm done."

I went in to help him out, and when I walked in, he said, "Actually, I am'nt done!"

1/12/09
Tonight, when Brandon asked Gavin to go to the bathroom before bedtime, Gavin replied with, "I don't want to."

Says Brandon, "Gavin, go in and go potty, right now!

Says Gavin, "I alweady did . . . last night!!!"
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We signed the older boys up for tumbling, and tonight was their first night. The teacher asked Scott what his name was.

So, Scott replied, "Scott Garrett Shaffer."

Says the teacher, "Oh, Scott Garrett Shaffer. Ok."

Says Scottie, "You can just call me Scott if you want to!"

12/25/08
Every gift that Braden opened this morning that he approved of, was followed by him saying, "Suh-weet!!"
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This morning, when Gavin saw the Go, Diego, Go scooter that Santa brought him, he looked at it, in disgust, and said, "That's not what I wanted!
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Santa brought a guitar for Scottie - just what he's been wanting. We were recording the boys, and Brandon asked Scott what Santa had brought him. Scott replied, in an almost reverential voice, "I got a guitar. It's very special to me!"
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We've been fighting the stomach flu at our house for the past couple of weeks, and last night it was Scott's turn.

So, last night, we were getting ready to read the Christmas story in Luke, and "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and he said in this sad, little voice, "Mom, I don't think I'm going to be able to celebrate anything tomorrow!"

12/22/08
A couple of weeks ago, Braden and Gavin got out our pop beads and made me some necklaces, bracelets, earrings, rings - you name it, they made it. As Gavin was putting a bracelet around my wrist, he said, "Mom, we're dectorationing you! You're all dectorated!"

12/8/08
When Gavin is hungry or thirsty, he'll come up to me or Brandon and say, "I'm hungwy of some bwead." Or, "I'm thiwsty of some wat-uh!"

We've tried saying back to him, "Oh, you're thirsty FOR some water," and he just says back, "Yes, I'm thiwsty OF some wat-uh!"

12/7/08
This evening, Gavin was helping me make some mac 'n' cheese for the boys, and he wanted to stir it all up. So, I gave him the spoon and went to call the boys for dinner. As I walked away, I heard Gavin take a BIG breath, and then say, "Ok, here goes nothin'!!"

11/24/08
Gavin fell down this morning as we were getting out of the van, so I scooped him up to carry him inside. As I was walking, he says, "Mom, ow! You're hurting myself."

11/17/08
This was back in September, but it's just too cute not to put on my funny favorites! Enjoy, again!

Says Gavin as we're walking up the stairs, his hands full of toys: "Mom can you scratch my bum? No, not there! Right here. Yeah, right there. Ahh, thanks Mom."

Me (laughing): "You're welcome!!"

Him: "That was bery nice of you to scratch my bum!"

11/13/08
Says Gavin, "Bwaden, you'we the "S" word!"

Braden gasps, 'cause he knows to call someone Stupid is wrong.

Says Gavin, "What? I didn't say Stupid! *GASP* Oops!"
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On our trip to Yellowstone this summer, as we're driving through Newton, UT:

Says Braden, "Look at the beautiful field, Mom! That looks like a nice place to have a war! Mom, is that where the people of Newton have their wars?"