From this . . . to this . . .

I've hesitated to even post this because it's unflattering to me, and to be honest, somewhat embarrassing. But, I've decided I need to so that I can keep track of my accomplishments, and so that when I'm feeling down or not pretty, I can come back and check out this post and remember these good feelings.

I don't mean this to be a down, depressing post as I post about my struggles over the past few years (because even with all of the stresses and struggles, I've still been VERY blessed), or a bragging post as I talk about the weight loss, but rather a happy post.

So, here goes.

The end of 2006 was incredibly hard for me. Brandon was working full time, and doing school full time, and we were having a hard time dealing with everything. Then, we got kicked out of our apartment for having too many kids and not enough room, and the apartment manager somehow forgot to mention this when she offered us a three bedroom apartment a week prior to our eviction notice. We had three weeks to find a new place to live. We fought it, but in the end decided that if we were going to be treated like that, we really didn't want to live there anyway.

Then, we got word that my cousin had passed away. He was just 7 months younger than me, and he drowned. A very accomplished scuba diver, and he drowned. That's always been a fear of mine. The thought of me or Brandon drowning or one of my kids drowning just terrifies me.

While Brandon was at work, and Scott was at school, I would load up the other two kids and run around Salt Lake literally trying to find a home. Every day for a couple of weeks. I was INCREDIBLY stressed out. It was right during the holidays, so I couldn't really even decorate for Christmas, which is my favorite time of year. This year, it was not a happy Christmas for me. I was mad at our manager, and had a "why me?" attitude.

To cope with all of this, I ate. Well, we all have to eat. I overate. A lot. Once we moved, I had to meet a whole bunch of new people in our ward - a ward that was very affluent. A lot of the people in the ward had huge houses, three car garages, boats, four wheelers, and RV's parked outside in the driveway. I felt small, insignificant, poor, and very lonely. So, I ate. Well, overate. And cried. A lot.

Then, I had to deal with some childhood issues that came up again. Again, very stressful, plus Brandon was still working and doing school full time. So, I snacked. By now, you probably get the picture. I gained weight. A lot of weight. I was not happy with myself. I felt heavy, dumpy, and not pretty. When I wasn't pregnant, this is the heaviest weight I was at:



And this is what I looked like:







Then, eight months later, we found out Brandon got a job up in Logan as a counselor. He moved up with his parents for two weeks because the school year had already started for the counselors. Which left me alone with three small children, and only seeing my husband on the weekend. My sister and I packed up our house and made arrangements to move. Brandon looked for a place for us to live while he was up there. During that time, my Grandma passed away. We headed home for her funeral, then straight up to Logan to look at apartments.

We found one that was not in the best condition, but it had the most room out of any that we had looked at. And, after praying, we felt sure we were supposed to live here. We took it, and moved in. The manager proved to be a nightmare. After us asking him several times if we needed to sign a one-year lease and him not responding, we dropped it. After five months and several problems (one of which was the furnace putting out carbon monoxide), we decided to move. To buy a house. We were now sure that the feeling we'd had of moving into this place was inspired. We were able to move because we didn't have a binding contract. Every other place we had looked at required at least a year contract.

So, we bought a house and moved. And tried for 18 months to get pregnant. Again, very stressful, and upsetting, and hard emotionally. I kept over-eating. But, then I got pregnant with Connor. Had a good pregnancy with him. I noticed that he would spit up A LOT when I would eat chocolate. And he'd get a tummy ache, so I quit eating chocolate. I was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight within just a couple of months.

Then, he developed an allergy to milk. I quit eating all dairy, and literally the pounds just melted away. I started going to Zumba twice a week. And, the pounds kept dropping. Once they started coming off, it was so fun to weigh myself and see the "new" weight I was at each week.

I started to feel better about myself. When I had to go buy new pants because my pants were literally sliding right off my body, I was ecstatic! I was able to buy a new wardrobe, which is always fun. I'm sure that dropping the chocolate and all dairy was the main factor in losing all of this weight. I just pray that when I'm done nursing and start eating dairy and some chocolate again, that I can maintain my weight.

Currently, this is the weight I'm at:



If you do the math, that's 41 1/2 pounds that I have dropped since almost a year ago.

And, this is what I have looked like over the past few months as I have lost weight:




These pants I have on are a size 8 - and they're just a little too big for me!


Wednesday night at Scott's orchestra concert

I feel so good about myself. And Brandon's proud of me, too. It feels good to not be overweight. I'm not the most fit person, but by doing Zumba and working out on other days, I feel pretty healthy. I feel good. I feel pretty. And that, to me, after the past few years, feels pretty incredible!